Disclaimer: The author of this fanfiction does not, in any way, profit from the story. All creative rights to the characters belong to their original creator(s).
In which Ron likes boys and girls equally without discrimination to either sex
by Pout
Girls and guys alike giggled when Ron walked the halls. He’d yawn and stretch on his way to breakfast and people giggled and giggled and just could not stop themselves. Because, you see, Ron made everyone think of sex. And when sex happened to be walking around on two legs with that teasing smile on everyday, you just couldn’t help giggling, because Sex On Legs was funny and sexy and made people horny by default.
Best of all, Ron was well aware of his pseudo-deity status and so he flaunted it as he pleased. Ron always took his shirt off during Quidditch practice. He always walked around his dorm room naked, sometimes chancing a walk down the hall to go to the loo. When he came out of the shower, he wrapped a tiny towel around his waist and walked back to his dorm while everyone stared at Sex On Legs in a tiny, barely-there towel. Ron was always very happy to provide his services.
As he walked down to the dining hall, Ron thought about the things that mattered most to him, namely, boys and girls. Ron liked boys best because boys could talk to you about Quidditch and things that mattered; would sneak down to the kitchens with you after sex to get a sandwich without throwing a fit; could press their rigid erections into –
“Morning, Ron,” Harry greeted.
“Lovely morning, isn’t it, Harry?” The other boy laughed and deigned it impolite to ask who the redhead had fucked last night.
Ron liked girls best because at night, they whispered softly and sent tingles to your groin; and they understood all those times when you suddenly discovered you had “feelings”; and they were soft in all the right places; you could press into their –
“Morning, boys,” Hermione smiled happily as she settled in next to Harry.
Classes that day were boring, but no one ever stopped giggling.
* * *
Harry was annoyed because Ron had his arm around his shoulders and a hand on his thigh as they “read a book together.” When Ron’s hands began to meander in naughty directions, Harry glared warningly. “What has gotten into you, Ron?” he giggled when the other boy started to press butterfly kisses into his neck. Ron pulled away with a mischievous twinkle in his smile.
“I’m going up,” he said simply and sauntered off.
When he was gone, Hermione rolled her eyes. “He’s such a flirt. Honestly,” she said, her voice reeking of disapproval. Suddenly, she was kneeling before Harry and looking very solemn. “We have to make a pact. We’re not allowed to break, okay?”
“What?” Harry asked, very thoroughly confused.
“The three of us are good together, right? We’re good friends, the best of friends, right?”
Harry nodded obediently.
“He’s gonna do inappropriate things, Ron is. Like that display right now. We have to not give in. I mean, I know, yeah, he’s Ron and well…you know. But we have to be strong and resist! For our friendship, right, Harry? Don’t you agree?”
“Well – ”
“Harry!” she whined, looking very desperate.
“Oh, of course, Hermione. I know what you’re saying. I get it. Ron’s just being…”
“Right. Well, I’m glad you and I understand though, right, Harry?”
“Yes. Yes.”
* * *
Harry walked into his dorm room which he shared with Naked Ron one evening to find Ron’s hands dug deep under Hermione’s skirt doing very naughty, naughty things to her –
“What the hell?!” Harry shouted, caught quite by surprise.
Ron, Naked Ron, because he always got naked the minute he stepped through the door, smiled like a bad kitty caught with one paw in the canary’s cage. Hermione looked up, shoving the paw away and sitting up suddenly, readjusted her skirt and stood up frowning. Brows furrowed, she addressed the still shocked Harry: “I cracked, okay?! Goddamnit!” she yelled as she stomped out of the room.
Moments later, Ron was hopping up from the bed and walking towards the door saying, “Got to use the loo,” over his shoulder. When he got back, Harry was still unresponsive. “Uh oh. Come on now, Harry.” When the other boy failed to react, Ron took him gently by the hand and began to make Naked Harry. When the two Naked boys were cuddled comfortably in Ron’s bed, Ron spoke.
“Love you, Harry.”
“Love you, too, Ron,” Harry said.
“Um. Don’t you think the three of us should get together soon?”
“What?”
“You. Me. Hermione.”
“Really, the three of us?”
“Yeah. It’d be great. We all love each other.”
“But…I don’t think of Hermione that way.”
“Do you think of me that way?”
“Of course. Everyone does. Even Hermione, apparently.” Pause. “Hey! She broke the pact!”
“What pact?”
“Never mind. Oh. Ron? I’m naked in bed with you.”
“It’s all right, Harry.”
“Hm.”
“Threesome, Harry. Focus.”
“I keep seeing your hand up her skirt. I’m weirded out.”
“Why?”
“It’s Hermione.”
“Hm.” Ron was petting Harry gently, trying to coax the boy out of his temporary stupor. When Ron placed his hand over Harry’s eyes, the other boy protested, but Mr. Sex On Legs shushed him and told him to listen to what he was saying. “You know,” Ron began, “Hermione is soft here. Really, really soft,” he said as Harry’s breath hitched as Ron’s hands moved over his body. “If you touch her here, like this, she pants your name. Harry. Are you listening? Good. And Hermione likes to touch boys here, you know. Like this. But her hands are softer, like her – ” Harry’s cry rang out. “ – and then she might do this… Roll your – ” Harry arched up and panted many names reverently. “Who are you thinking of, Harry?”
“Hermione.”
“Right. Because she might do this – ” Harry keened impatiently. “ – because she loves you. Isn’t that true?”
Harry nodded breathlessly.
“Well, you’re thinking of her “that way” now, aren’t you?”
“Yes,” Harry sighed.
“Harry,” Ron said seriously, taking his hand away from Harry’s eyes. “When Hermione’s touching you like that, where am I?”
Harry’s voice was blissfully strained. “Behind me.”
“Like this?”
“Yes, just like that.”
“And Hermione’s there?”
“Yes! Right there.”
“And I’m here behind you, holding you like this, with my – ”
“YES!”
“So it’s the three of us, then.”
“Yes, yes. Of course. Yes. You see? You see it, too, right, Ron? Don’t you?”
“Of course, Harry. Because I love you. And Hermione, too.”
“Does she love us back?”
“Of course, Harry. Don’t worry. I’ll take care of it.”
* * *
Hermione was down in the common room mentally berating herself for breaking under the strain of Ron’s advances. Damnit all. It was a surprise to her when she felt Ron’s breath in her ear. Across the room, Harry was draped over a chair watching them.
Harry watched as Ron rested his chin on his arms that rested on the back of Hermione’s chair. The redhead was speaking quietly into the girl’s ear, his gentle smile unfaltering on his lips. Harry watched as Hermione’s eyes caught his and her lashes lowered seductively. He watched as her teeth worried her bottom lip and her breathing became labored. He smiled when her breathing hitched sharply and her hands clenched. Harry watched as his two best friends both smiled at one another and quietly came to collect him.
If you would like to provide feedback on this story, please feel free to e-mail me at: poutonly@gmail.com.